Blogging is for the birds.
I suck at it. I can’t consistently write in this for the
life of me. I’ve been spending my weekday evenings reading and working out and
whatever time is left, has been sucked out by winter time television. So now that I’ve officially been unimpressed
by this season’s creativity [Dear Homeland Writers - Seriously. Wtf. Zooey
Deschanel - please let New Girl die this season. Just kill off your character,
and while you’re at it, Nick’s character too. Winston and Schmidt - please
create your own spin-off. Something about an Ebony/Ivory Version of Single Men
in the City and perhaps I will watch. Mindy Kaling, you are the sole carrier of network television. Ok I’m done with this sidebar for now.], maybe I can
finally start writing again. Just maybe.
I’ve done some local traveling, but I feel like local
traveling isn’t much to blog about. I spent a few days eating Mexican in Dallas
in March, wings in Buffalo in April and crabcakes in Baltimore on Memorial Day
weekend. And while all of those
experiences were nothing less than enjoyable, there also wasn’t a whole lot to
talk about. Oh, and I also went to
London in August, but going to London is just like going to New York
City for me. It’s fun for new-timers and to see people I love, but after a
while, it’s just another city. But on a more positive note, I booked a trip to
Cabo in February, so I have something new at least to look forward to! Woop
woop!
I guess what I have been doing lately is trying a bunch of
fitness classes to help change up my work outs.
Last year, I pretty much spent all year running and doing little to no
strength training (i.e. no strength training).
So this year, Kendall and I joined a yoga studio, a pole dancing studio,
I started salsa dancing again last fall and then I kept up with my regular
dance classes. The personalities that different teachers of different fitness
forms develop amazes me and I wonder if it’s really their personalities that
push them into these specific activities or the activities that make them
develop these personas (the chicken and the egg phenomenon of twenty-first
century fitness trends, so to speak).
Yoga teachers, for example, all have the same soothing,
soft-spoken voice where anthropomorphic metaphors just roll off their tongues
as easily as everyday conversation. “Imagine your sits bones rooting firmly
into the ground like a tree roots to the earth and open your chest and sit up
tall as you envision each tree growing taller and yet remaining just as strong with
its roots planted so firmly in the ground.”
“As you flow from your cat to your cow positions, inhale and exhale
slowly and deeply, while imagining the gentle formation of a wave in the ocean
during your inhale and then the strong release as the wave breaks into the
ocean during your exhale.” These metaphors baffle me. Like it took me probably
a good five minutes of typing and erasing and re-typing to even come up with
the past two, let alone 75 minutes worth of unique metaphors in each class. I
would love to sit through a yogi training course so I could see if calming
anthropomorphic speak is part of the curriculum. Or maybe I just need to
re-watch the “Pray” part of Eat, Pray, Love.
And then, take our pole dancing class instructor. As Kendall
and I are squirming and cringing in pain while trying to use every muscle in
our thighs to hold ourselves up on the pole, our teacher is laughing and
shouting “If you want to get better, there’s going to be much more that burns
than those thighs!” Touché, pole instructor lady, touché. And then of course there are the normal
descriptions of how much skin needs to be exposed to maintain a better grip and
which body parts are to be in constant contact with the pole, which confirms my
need to take an extra few alcohol wipes before each class to thoroughly wipe down the
equipment.
So I’ve been working very hard (between several bouts of
tonsillitis) psychoanalyzing these teachers, while also trying to lose my last
few pounds and I’m at this party last month where this [extremely skinny] girl
was telling a group of people that she’s scared to join the gym because she’s
nervous that she’s going to lose more weight.
Woe is me. At which point, I wanted to shove a bag of snickers bars through an IV
into her. If someone can just pay for
some liposuction for me before November 29th, 2014 to make my weight
loss as easy as hers, I would greatly appreciate it. Please and thank you.
