Like A Crack Addict.

I am out of control. I’m like a crack addict. Or a dessert addict rather.

I’m not proud of this story, but I feel like I must share it for the sheer ridiculousness of it.

So beginning January 1^st, a coworker and I decided we were going to eat healthy [see post on ineffective New Year’s Resolutions below] because she is getting married in the fall and I am in a “Boys Don’t Like Fat Girls” weight loss competition to shed a few extra pounds from the holidays.  Well, she is a LOT better at this weight loss thing than I am. She always eats healthy, works out routinely, etc. Whereas, I NEED a cookie, a piece of cake or chocolate on a daily basis [I’ve blogged about this in the past before too]. And whenever I consume such things, I get a disapproving look or a shake of the head from her, which makes me feel guilty, especially because she always has the willpower to withhold from such amazingness. We also take lunch walks every day together so we’re not just confined to our desks and get some exercise.  But lunch walks in the city are awful for weight loss - smelling delicious things, walking past bakeries and ice cream shops and street vendors making gyros and all kinds of yummy goodness, KILLS ME.

So today on such a walk, the smells of lunch time in the city, made me REALLY not look forward to my cold hummus and cucumber flatbread sandwich and orange I had packed for lunch. I, therefore, decided to engage in a little white lie so that we could make an impromptu stop during the walk.

Ok, so I told her I had to get a cupcake for my friend’s birthday today. Except I don’t really have a friend whose birthday is today. It was mainly because I really wanted a cupcake. So we walked into a French Patisserie; I didn’t think they had cupcakes, but I always wanted to see the inside of this place… and then I find out they have French macaroons, which are my absolute FAVORITE dessert!!!  I was like crap, I HAVE to get two macaroons [pistachio and red velvet] because they are my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE, but I already told my coworker I had to get a cupcake for a ‘friend’s’ birthday.  So I bought my macaroons and we went onwards to Crumbs for a cupcake. I’m already kinda mad at myself for not having the willpower to hold off on the macaroons since I was already getting the cupcake.  But, my coworker suggests I get the ‘birthday cake’ cupcake for my friend since we don’t know what ‘she’ really likes [except that I do know that she does not like chocolate cake, only yellow cake], so I reluctantly agree on the ‘birthday cake’ funfetti cupcake…. And I bring it up to the register and the lady asks me if I would like a candle. My coworker is like “You should get a candle, that’s cute!” So I get a birthday cake cupcake with a candle.

For myself.

Oh, and two macaroons.

Now I’m walking back to my desk and contemplating how I can possibly eat this cupcake without my coworker walking by my desk and seeing it. And then turning an awkward situation into a MUCH more awkward one.

So I told Valerie this story, of course. She cracks up, tells me she can’t talk to me anymore and that I’m ridiculous. We forget about it and she proceeds to tell me a crazy story, to which this happens:

me:  LOLOL

you are out of control

i cant be your friend anymore.

Valerie:  umm...scroll up and re-read ur insanity

u lied to a co-worker

made up a friend

made up a friend's bday

lied to a shop owner

purchased a cupcake w/ a candle

and will eat it in SECRECY

not even the same level

I seriously have problems. I can’t even.

To quote Harvard Sailing Team [FYI - YouTube the video ‘Boys Will Be Girls’], “I love myself and I hate myself. But my diet starts tomorrow.”